Monday, 8 November 2021

Alternate Best? Supporting Actor 2000: Jeremy Irons in Dungeons and Dragons

Bad actor struggling not to laugh at good actor acting badly.
Bad Actor Struggling not to laugh at Good Actor's HAMMM
Essential awkward boot shot
Jeremy Irons did something in 2000's I think, to say he did not receive anything would be a bit silly in this instance he's playing Mage Profion or something I think, I'm shoe give a sjit. Thora Birch certainly doesn't who gives the greatest performance of someone not caring about anything evne slightly since Bunny Breckinridge in Plan Nine Frm OIuter S[ace. How about that CGI dragon as well, and to think this was mde only a year befroe Fellowship of the Ring, even by the same studio. Anyway I guess Im';m ahere ot trtiteiona baout Jeremy Irons in this film. H'e's argeat actor I think that is obvious, thiss isn't his finest work infa ct you could say you see a man who is eyeing his pay check the whole time and can obviously tell is director's sddnest particualry careaobuanta kkmcuh of anything bit like youtrs truly trightn now. Nw I've covereed performances of great actors in abad films before, although suprirsekd to say this, Robin Hood Prince of Thieves and Street Fighter are both much better films than this rare is the day you can say that. Irons also unlike Alan Rickman and Raul Julia isn't in this film much so how much entertainment the talented actor can bring to garbage is limted anyaways. I actually I'll amdit aafiafand Birch's reading slowly off cue cards more entertaining by its level of lifeliness. 

Random Guy: Remember the Paycheck Jeremy, Jeremy: I Know.
 
This image speaks for itself.
Unrelated Image of Bob Newhart
"I'm Sleepy"
 
"I know this is a bad movie...but that's your take Thora? Maybe I'm trying too hard"
"Eh, screw it! let's live it up!!!!!"
Okay okay, I'll try a little harder than this film....though then why did a do so many pictures....just a little harder though in terms of writing because I want to praise Raul Julia and Alan Rickman a bit who I think pulled off something Irons doesn't quite do here. This is as much as both those performances are riffing on their films there is devotion to their audience in a way all the same, and their conviction within a scene actually is evident despite their purposeful lack of subtly at times...to put it subtly. They both want to entertain us despite their less than stellar material. Irons on the other hand is mostly doing whatever to entertain himself mostly it seems, in the basic exposition scenes Irons goes for a general gravitas, but he'll randomly grit his teeth and "RAGE", which is kind of funny, but also maybe a little too random. These are too brief, I'll give it to him for his "LET THE BLOOD RAIN FROM THE SKY" he was clearly entertaining himself as he earned his castle payment, but I was entertained too. Mostly though Irons is doing more than this film deserves, but not quite enough for him to truly go beyond its awfulness. He's hamming it up, but...not quite that honey glazed good stuff. It's a little fatty, a little chewy, a couple of good bites, but....eh not quite there. And that's why you're chopped...or you get it a three on the Shaw scale.

37 comments:

Tahmeed Chowdhury said...

Holy hell, I wasn't expecting those photo captions. Nice one Louis.

Michael McCarthy said...

Great review Louis. Now go drink some water please.

Robert MacFarlane said...

So like, ratings for the rest of the cast? If they have any?

8000S said...

Eh, hilarious review.

Any chance Connelly could be downgraded to a 1,5 for performance in Hulk? I always get reminded of Portman's performance in the first Thor movie. Connelly clearly didn't want to be there.

Marcus said...

The most impressive thing about this review is that it somehow deleted every other alternate 2000 review as well (or maybe that's just how it is for an update)?

Matt Mustin said...

Yeah...it sounds like I'd completely hate this performance...

Razor said...

Louis: Lol, any thoughts on the costumes and VFX?

Robert MacFarlane said...

Anyone else have the blog slow down on then since this review was posted?

ruthiehenshallfan99 said...

I was watching some highlights of Jeremy Irons performances, and it looks like Bruce Payne was trying not to laugh a few times.

Michael McCarthy said...

Robert: Yeah, it’s doing that for me too. I thought it was the subway but now I’m home connected to WiFi and it’s still happening.

Aidan Pittman said...

I expected chaos with this review and I was not disappointed.

Tahmeed Chowdhury said...

Robert: Yep, I think Louis is probably updating the overall given that every other review of this lineup seemingly vanished.

Matt Mustin said...

Maybe even attempting to analyze this performance causes a glitch in the matrix.

Robert MacFarlane said...

Is it the screencaps fucking with the bandwith?

Matt Mustin said...

That's possible.

Luke Higham said...

Nice review Louis. :)

I don't know what the hell is going on with the main page right now.

Luke Higham said...

I found the other reviews, they're on page 2.

Matt Mustin said...

R.I.P. Dean Stockwell. "Here's to your fuck."

Luke Higham said...

RIP Dean Stockwell

Shaggy Rogers said...

"I close my eyes..."
RIP Dean Stockwell

Louis reminded me of the Family Guy joke about Jeremy Irons cereal.

Ytrewq Wertyq said...

RIP Dean Stockwell



Also about that first paragraph of the Irons' review... was that meant to be a representation of a Wiseau accent by any chance?

Tim said...

R.I.P. Dean Stockwell

Emi Grant said...

RIP Dean Stockwell

Bryan L. said...

R.I.P. Dean Stockwell

Bryan L. said...

Yeah, I tried accessing the blog both on my phone/computer (w/Wi-Fi) and it’s acting the same as y’all.

Luke Higham said...

Louis: Would you go as far to say this is the worst fantasy film you've ever seen.

Anonymous said...

RIP Dean Stockwell

HTT said...

RIP Dean Stockwell
Will never forget his performance in Blue Velvet

Also, I can't stop laughing at that random picture of Bob Newhart.

Aidan Pittman said...

R.I.P. Dean Stockwell

Ytrewq Wertyq said...

A question to everybody here: when Louis reviews 10 performances from a year, do you have to correctly predict how both rankings will look like in order to later make a request or is predicting one ranking enough?

Shaggy Rogers said...

After 2000, hopefully the next year of reanalysis will be 1958 (the worst year of the 50s).

Luke Higham said...

Ytrewq: You get a chance of winning 2 requests. Predicting one of the two would give you a single.

Louis Morgan said...

So I guess this performance was too powerful for Blogger and myself, as its throttling of bandwidth and push of all other posters to a second page (clearly a prima donna act by Irons), was completely unintentional.

Robert:

Whalin - 1(Hey everyone remember bland Olsen from Lois and Clark, THAT's OUR LEAD. Such a forgettable and lacking in charisma turn. Blandest of the bland to the point they could've called his character White Bread and I would've believed it.)

Wayans - 1(How not to do a comedic sidekick 101. Be annoying, never funny and remotely endearing, and you have this performance.)

Birch - 5wiseaus - (I mean I loved this performance as I've really never seen an actor care less really, she is beyond checked out, and it is hilarious.)

Payne - 1(Here's one where you can't tell if he's not trying or he's trying and failing miserably. Hard to say which is worse.)

8000's:

Theoretically I'd have to slog through that film again, haven't seen it since theaters, which seems unlikely.

Razor:

I mean if you want generic fantasy costumes that seem primed for a sketch, you got them. And if you want bad CGI, no matter what the era, look no further than this laughable mess more befitting bad cut scenes from video-games of the era.

Luke:

Um probably I'd hate to think which is worse.

RatedRStar said...

RIP Dean Stockwell

Maciej said...

RIP Dean Stockwell

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