CANCELLED: WACKY WORLD OF WISEAU: Oscar Nominees Edition

And They Are:

Nicolas Cage in Deadfall

Nicolas Cage in The Wicker Man

John Travolta in Battlefield Earth

Jon Voight in Anaconda

Eddie Redmayne in Hick

Now for prediction purposes they should be ranked from most Wiseaus worthy to least Wiseaus worthy.

Alternate Best Actor 2003: Results

5. Tommy Wiseau in The Room- Wiseau gives a performance for the ages that is absolutely hilarious, unfortunately it was never meant to be.

4. Paul Giamatti in American Splendor- Giamatti gives an effective performance finding the humor and humanity underlying his grumpy character.

3. Peter Dinklage in The Station Agent- Dinklage gives a strong performance from humorous dead pan to slowly easing in a character transition.

2. Choi Min-sik in Oldboy- Min-sik gives a powerful intensely physical performance brilliantly depicting the insane changes of his character throughout the film.

1. Stephen Lang in Gods and Generals- I must settle for Lang this year as his performance moved me the most out of all the performances. He elevates his material magnificently giving a truly incredible portrayal of Stonewall Jackson.

Overall Rank:

1. Russell Crowe in Master and Commander
2. Choi Min-sik in Oldboy
3. Stephen Lang in Gods and Generals
4. Billy Bob Thornton in Bad Santa
5. Robert Duvall in Open Range
6. Kevin Bacon in Mystic River
7. Paul Bettany in Dogville
8. Johnny Depp in Pirates of the Caribbean 
9. Song Kang-ho in Memories of Murder 
10. Daniel Brühl in Goodbye, Lenin!
11. Peter Dinklage in The Station Agent
12. Paul Giamatti in American Splendor
13. John Turturro in Fear X 
14. Ewan McGregor in Big Fish  
15. Nicolas Cage in Matchstick Men
16. Luigi Lo Cascio in The Best of Youth  
17. Hayden Christensen in Shattered Glass 
18. John Malkovich in Ripley's Game
19. Takeshi Kitano in Zatoichi 
20. Campbell Scott in The Secret Lives of Dentists
21. Kim Sang-kyung in Memories of Murder
22. Mads Mikkelsen in The Green Butchers 
23. Alessio Boni in The Best of Youth
24. Kevin Costner in Open Range 
25. Colin Farrell in Phone Booth
26. Ivan Dobronravov in The Return
27. Tadanobu Asano in Last Life in the Universe
28. Jeff Daniels in Gods and Generals 
29. Robert Duvall in Secondhand Lions
30. Bill Murray in Lost in Translation
31. Philip Seymour Hoffman in Owning Mahowny
32. Jude Law in Cold Mountain
33. George Clooney in Intolerable Cruelty
34. Hayley Joel Osment in Secondhand Lions 
35. Paddy Considine in In America 
36. Albert Brooks in Finding Nemo
37. Hugh Jackman in X-2  
38. Michael Pitt in The Dreamers 
39. Ewan McGregor in Down With Love
40. Tom Cruise in The Last Samurai
41. William H. Macy in The Cooler
42. Johnny Depp in Once Upon a Time in Mexico
43. Crispin Glover in Willard
44. Tsunashima Gōtarō in Japanese Story
45. Tobey Maguire in Seabiscuit 
46. Orlando Bloom in Pirates of the Caribbean
47. Shia Laboeuf in Holes
48. John Cusack in Identity
49. Jack Nicholson in Something's Gotta Give 
50. Will Farrell in Elf 
51. Rémy Girard in The Barbarian Invasions
52. Dougray Scott in Ripley's Game
53. John Cusack in Runaway Jury
54. Antonio Banderas in Once Upon a Time in Mexico
55. Owen Wilson in Shanghai Knights 
56. Dwayne Johnson in The Rundown
57. Jack Black in The School of Rock
58. Sean Penn in 21 Grams 
59. Luke Wilson in Old School 
60. Greg Kinnear in Stuck on You
61. Nikolaj Lie Kaas in The Green Butchers
62. Stéphane Rousseau in The Barbarian Invasions
63. Sean Penn in Mystic River 
64. Jeremy Sumpter in Peter Pan
65. Ben Kingsley in House of Sand and Fog
66. Ewan McGregor in Young Adam
67. Benicio Del Toro in 21 Grams
68. Aaron Eckhart in The Core
69. Jackie Chan in Shanghai Knights
70. Matt Damon in Stuck on You
71. Jack Nicholson in Anger Management 
72. Eric Bana in The Hulk 
73. Sean William Scott in The Rundown
74. Ben Affleck in Daredevil
75. Ben Affleck in Paycheck
76. Alex Frost in Elephant
77. Sean Connery in The League of Extraordinary Gentleman 
78. Rowan Atkinson in Johnny English
79. Adam Sandler in Anger Management
80. Tommy Wiseau in The Room

Next Year: 1957

Alternate Best Actor 2003: Tommy Wiseau in The Room

Tommy Wiseau did not receive an Oscar nomination nor a Razzie nomination for portraying the greatest of characters Johnny in The Room.

The Room is a film that one must see to believe about Johnny who is betrayed by all of his friends and he gets fed up with this world.

Ah yes such legendary actors Laurence Olivier, Robert Duvall, and Charlie Chaplin these actors have before directed themselves to an incredible performance clearly attempting to join their ranks is Tommy Wiseau. Tommy Wiseau an actor and director like no other obviously, I mean just look at that picture even pictures of him defy description. Clearly no other director could possibly contain the acting prowess of this man but himself.

Now Wiseau takes an interesting tactic to begin with in his performance which is speak in his native tongue. It might be true technically speaking it is English but let's be honest English takes on a whole new life of its own with Wiseau's accent. Of course his accent is only the first part of his no holds barred work that always takes risks no matter how head scratching it might be to a casual viewers. This is truly otherwordly performance, and no I do not mean in some sort spiritual fashion, I mean more of like an alien from another world.

In Wiseau eyes we see a daze like the thousand worked days of a banker where they take all his ideas and make all the money and he is the fool. His face suggests a man with no hope almost as if he is constantly on a strong painkiller all the time. That face of his just says it all in his place in the world that he soon becomes fed up with. It is a face of a man's failures, and inabilities to know that his fiancee is some pointlessly evil woman for no reason.

Something quite fascinating in this performance is the fact that Wiseau constantly starts throwing his voice all the time, where he will appear to be mouthing one thing, but his words do not match up, it is something truly outstanding, a risky maneuver that lesser actors would never even attempt to do. Wiseau goes full force with obviously implying that perhaps Johnny was not suppose to be a banker with great ideas after all, no he was clearly meant to be a ventriloquist.

Wiseau is not afraid here to even call back to classic performances from the legendary James Dean particularly in one moment heartbroken over his fiancee's lies that he hit her, he breaks out in the immortal line "You're tearing me apart Lisa". Wiseau goes all out in his accented screech, moving his arms akimbo like he was saying yes to a great victory, even though there is not victory to be seen in the rest of Johnny's story in the room.

What is spectacular in this performance of performances is the ability to change the emotions in a moment so easily. For example when again he complains, to the air I guess, about how he did not her, he did not, what grief Wiseau conveys in his scrunched up face, and bizarre inflection. He then instantly changes his face from pain to instant casual greeting in oh hi mark. Such a stunning portrait of instant emotion change, it is truly something stunning.

I think the most interesting part of this performance though is Wiseau's odd, but obviously brilliant choices in certain scenes. Such as when his friend Mark tells Johnny a story about a woman being beaten so bad she ended up in a hospital at Guerrero street. Rather than show interest, or depth in regards to it, Wiseau takes a whole another approach and laughs in reaction to the story showing that even a story about a brutal beating Wiseau shows that Johnny always sees the lighter side even when it might very strange to do so.

But we all know the highlight of this performance comes at the end of the film when Johnny is enraged to find out his fiancee Lisa is having an affair with his best friend Mark, what follows it the most forceful moments of pain ever depicted on screen. He leaves no prisoners not even chickens as he brutally states cheep cheep cheep, which is just incredible for Johnny to try to get rid of the accepted chicken call of Baaack baack, baack, baack, truly stunning. 

The greatest moments come in Wiseau depiction of Johnny tantrum where he destroys the room yelling why Lisa why, in a cry that is unforgettable. He leaves nothing alone whether it is clothes, draws, or a poor tv that Wiseau the director decided to film flying out side the window and being destroyed clearly that cut was essential during Johnny's final pains. Well it all ends with Johnny blowing his brains out, and Wiseau's dead face is truly something that cannot be forgotten in this performance that is one for the ages. There is only one rating worthy of this performance.

Seriously though this performance is in all honesty terrible. Yes his accent, and weird choice in this performance are hilarious. The man though was entirely serious in his performance though, despite what he now claims, and in being a serious performance this fails miserably. As a failure though it completely succeeds though. I can't give him credit though when everything enjoyable about this performance was purely unintentional, since no man can make a film this hilariously bad on purpose.

Alternate Best Actor 2003

And the Nominees Were Not:

Tommy Wiseau in The Room

Peter Dinklage in The Station Agent

Paul Giamatti in American Splendor

Stephen Lang in Gods and Generals

Choi Min-sik in Oldboy